


Stars to Light the Way

by AliciaSinCiudad



Series: Rebuilding [4]
Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Epilogue, M/M, Probably all three of these guys need a hug, Stargazing, The New City of Jedha, Trigger Warning: Mention of Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-07
Updated: 2017-09-11
Packaged: 2018-10-25 07:34:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10759674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AliciaSinCiudad/pseuds/AliciaSinCiudad
Summary: Luke Skywalker, galactic hero, war veteran, and survivor of averymessed up family, was in need of a vacation. He’d been fighting for so long, he wanted to get in touch with the life-giving side of the Force. Unfortunately, both of his mentors had passed, so he’d have to find his own source for the Light Side. Which was how, a few months after the official end of the Galactic Civil War, Luke ended up on the pilgrim moon of Jedha.





	1. Chapter 1

Luke Skywalker, galactic hero, war veteran, and survivor of a _very_ messed up family, was in need of a vacation. He’d been fighting for so long, he wanted to get in touch with the life-giving side of the Force. Unfortunately, both of his mentors had passed, so he’d have to find his own source for the Light Side. Which was how, a few months after the official end of the Galactic Civil War, Luke ended up on the pilgrim moon of Jedha.

Luke was a famous man, and he expected to be recognized everywhere he went. Instead, he found his extreme fame had the opposite effect – people expected Luke Skywalker to be larger than life, so when they actually did see him on the streets, they assumed he was just some human with a passing resemblance to the young Jedi Master. Which was good. Luke was here as a tourist, not as an inspirational speaker.

It heartened Luke to see how much Jedha City had been rebuilt, starting with the Temple. People of all species and origins, from Coruscant to the farthest reaches of the Outer Rim, had joined in the effort to rebuild. He was watching some such people right now, as he wandered aimlessly around the half-built temple. One human in particular looked familiar to him. For a brief moment, he thought it was his old friend Biggs Darklighter – but of course, Biggs had died early in the war. No, it was that other man, equally tall and mustachioed, who’d fought in the Battle of Scarif with the one and only Bodhi Rook. Luke smiled, thinking of Rook, his hesitant smile, his nervousness in social situations, contrasting with his easy manner whenever he talked of flying. He’d once convinced Luke to go on a joyride with him on the Millennium Falcon – it was a wonder Han and Chewie hadn’t killed them both.

Luke was jolted from his reverie as the man-who-wasn’t-Biggs caught his eye and cocked his head, as though trying to figure out if it was really Luke Skywalker or just some other skinny blonde guy. Luke nodded, and the tall man walked over to him.

“Is it you?” he asked, and Luke nodded again. “Welcome to the Temple! I don’t know if you remember me. I’m Cassian Andor, we met back at the beginning of the war.”

“I remember,” Luke replied. “I’m guessing you remember me, too?”

Andor smiled. “You’re a difficult face to forget,” he answered. “Did you just get here?” Luke nodded. “Let me show you around.”

This was not the tour guide he had been expecting. It was strange to see this hardened spy talking about the Temple and the Force as though he were a Guardian of the Whills. He seemed to have lost some of his hard edges, although there was still an urgency about him, the way his hands were never still, even when he was just explaining the different symbols carved into the arches. He was particularly proud of one inscription in Festan script, written in Basic letters, but with embellishments reminiscent of Jedhan calligraphy. It read _El amor vence todo_ , which Andor translated as _Love overcomes everything_. “It was my partner who inspired that,” he told Luke. “Maybe you remember him – Bodhi Rook?”

Of course Luke remembered Bodhi Rook. So he was still with Captain Andor. Luke felt a pang of disappointment, quickly replaced by a happy realization.

“So Rook’s here too?” he asked.

“He is,” Andor replied. “Not in the Temple, but he’s here in the New City. We were planning to meet for lunch, so if you stick around for an hour or so, you’ll see him then.”

Luke considered. He didn’t have a schedule to keep, so there was no reason not to wait around. On the other hand, one or two hours was a pretty long wait, and it was obvious that Andor was itching to go back to work. “Maybe I’ll go take a rest at the inn, and come back in an hour. It’s not far.”

“You already have an inn? Because you can stay with us, if you want. I’m not home very much, but I’m sure Bodhi would like the company.” Andor cut himself off, a serious look flashing across his face. “I’m sorry – I should have consulted with Bodhi first before offering. But he’s likely to say yes, if you’re interested.”

“That would be nice.” _That would be… something_ , Luke thought, unsure what adjective he would use there. Incredibly pleasant? Enticing? Tempting? Possibly a very bad idea? No, of course not, it had been years since that first puppy-love crush on Rook, surely Luke was beyond that by now. “But no pressure, of course. Like I said, I’ve already got an inn.”

“What inn is it? You can wait for us there, if you want to rest. We’ll come get you on the way to lunch.”

Smart, Luke thought. That would give Andor a chance to ask Rook about Luke staying, without having to ask in front of him. “Sounds good,” he replied, and gave Andor the name and address. He wandered around the Temple a bit longer on his own, noticing the diversity not only of Pilgrims themselves, but also of architectural and decorative styles. He smiled at seeing a distinctly Tatooinian dome, smooth and unembellished. Every once in a while, he’d glance over at Andor. The man carried himself with a military demeanor, easily directing or following the directions of the other builders, all while moving effortlessly around the many Pilgrims and tourists there to visit or to pray. It was almost like a dance, graceful yet not soft. Luke could see, albeit a little begrudgingly, a little bit of the beauty Rook must see in him.

After a while, Luke made his way back to the inn. Although it was not even mid-day, he was worn out from the long journey, and he fell asleep almost immediately. He didn’t know how long he slept, but he was just beginning to slowly open his eyes again when he heard someone knock.

“Some visitors here to see you,” the Britarro innkeeper told him from the other side of the door. Or, possibly the Britarra innkeeper. Luke hadn’t asked the innkeeper’s gender, and now that he thought about it, he couldn’t actually remember how many genders the Britarros (Britarres?) had. Luke shook himself fully awake, opened the door, and followed his slate-colored host downstairs.

Rook was much as Luke had remembered him, perhaps a few stray greys in his hair (shorter now, as though he’d recently shorn it), a few more worry-lines on his face. His eyes shone less brightly, and he sat a bit hunched over, although if Luke was being honest, Rook had never had the best of posture. There was just the slightest bit of distance between Rook and Andor, Luke noticed, and a tentativeness to their touch that seemed strange, given how long they must have been together. Five years now? Six? Were they having troubles? Luke remembered the serious look Cassian had shown while mentioning that he needed to consult with Rook, as though it was something he had forgotten to do a few times too many.

All this passed through Luke’s mind in the few seconds it took for Rook to notice him, stand up, beaming, and come embrace Luke in his strong, sure arms. Hmm. Maybe Luke was not completely over his crush.

“Luke, it’s so good to see you,” Rook said softly, kissing Luke on both cheeks. Luke reminded himself that this was the traditional Jedhan greeting, and not any kind of romantic overture. But it felt nice, nonetheless.

“Rook –”

“Call me Bodhi, please. I think we can do away with formalities now.”

“B-Bodhi. It’s, uh, it’s good to see you, too.” Was that a stutter? Luke Skywalker, he told himself, get it together. If you can rescue your friends from powerful crime lords, face down the Emperor, and bring your father to the Light Side of the Force after decades as a Sith, you can certainly talk to your old crush without getting tongue-tied. Rook – _Bodhi_ gave Luke’s shoulders a squeeze, then stepped away, holding Luke at arm’s length.

“You’re all grown up now,” he smiled. “Grab your bags. We’re dropping them at our place before lunch.” He turned to the innkeeper, and said something in Jedhan, to which the Britarro nodded, and responded in the same language.

“The innkeeper says you can get a refund for most of the week,” Andor translated. “You have to pay for tonight, because they still have to wash the sheets and everything, but the rest of the week you’ll get back.” He leaned in and whispered, “You know, it’s traditional on Jedha to buy your hosts a nice bottle of something. Since you’re getting that refund and all.” Luke nodded seriously, but Andor just winked at him. “I’m joking, Skywalker. Keep your credits. I know traveling is expensive.” Luke blinked. Had Captain Andor really just joked, and then _winked?_ Maybe Luke was still dreaming.

They headed back up to Luke’s room, and Andor grabbed Luke’s bags.

“Cass, I’ve got them,” Bodhi said, almost sternly. “You’ve been working hard all day.”

“I don’t mind.”

“Déjame, mi amor,” Bodhi said softly, and Andor consented. He led them back down the stairs, paused to thank the innkeeper in Jedhan, then continued out to the streets. “Lead on, Captain,” Bodhi smiled, more to Luke than to Andor. After a minute, though, Bodhi called out his partner’s name, and Andor stopped stiffly and turned around. Luke noticed that same serious look on his face that he’d seen at the Temple.

“I’ve changed my mind,” Bodhi said, still smiling, although Luke couldn’t vouch for its sincerity. “If you’re going to lead us at such a grueling pace, _you_ can take the bags.” He tossed them to Andor, who caught them, unsmiling.

“I’m sorry,” he muttered.

“It’s fine, cariño,” Bodhi replied, more gently. “Just, slow down a bit. We’re not on a schedule, you know.”

“Right.” Luke could tell that it was actually a struggle for Andor to walk more slowly, even carrying Luke’s luggage. Bodhi gave Luke an almost apologetic smile.

“If you’re wondering, yes, he _is_ always like this. It’s just his nature.”

“I guess once a captain, always a captain,” Luke replied.

“Major, actually,” Andor commented, without turning around. Bodhi rolled his eyes.

“This is what I get to put up with,” he whispered, shaking his head.

“What was that?” Andor asked.

“Nothing, habibi. I love you,” Bodhi called out in a sing-song.

After a while, they turned down a side street, and entered a neighborhood of small houses. “I love this neighborhood,” Bodhi told Luke. “It’s pretty interplanetary, but with a real Jedhan feel to it, too. When we moved in, we got invited to dinner by a different neighbor every night for a week. And we do the same when someone else moves in. We’re pretty much all refugees here. Refugees and veterans – people who have lost so much in this war – but we come together and help each other out, with whatever it is we have. This is the Jedha City I remember. This spirit of community.”

Captain – no, _Major_ Andor – led them into a small house, with a two-word inscription in Jedhan above the door. (“The first word says _Rogue_ ,” Bodhi told him, “and the second is _Hope_.”) Andor dropped the bags on a sofa, then turned to Luke, looking at him for the first time since they’d left the inn. He smiled after a moment, as though he’d just remembered that that was a thing people did. “Do you like traditional Jedhan food? There’s a pub not far from here.”

“I’ve never had Jedhan food, but I’d like to try it,” he replied. Andor nodded curtly, and turned to lead them again.

“Lead on, Captain,” Bodhi said again, with a wink at Luke.

“Major,” Luke corrected. Bodhi grinned at him.

“Sorry, habit,” Bodhi said. Andor muttered something in another language, and Bodhi laughed.

A few minutes later, Luke found himself sitting in a booth of a small cantina, a welcome glass of tea set in front of him by a Lorrdian server. He had thought that lunch would be more awkward than it actually was. Major Andor had immediately insisted that Luke call him Cassian, and it only took a few tries before it came naturally. Cassian was outright enthusiastic about Jedhan food, his eyes lighting up uncharacteristically while making suggestions for Luke’s order, to Bodhi’s obvious amusement. Luke noticed that neither of them ordered anything alcoholic, so he stuck with tea, too. And Cassian was right, the food _was_ delicious.

He didn’t know if it was the Force helping him, or if he’d just gotten better at reading people, but Luke found that he could understand a great deal of what Bodhi and Cassian said, even when they slipped into Jedhan or Festan. Not knowing the languages in some ways made it easier to understand them, as the words didn’t distract Luke from what their bodies were telling him. That distance Luke had noticed, as well obvious efforts on both parts to close the distance. A certain nervousness from both of them, the frequency with which Cassian apologized, and Bodhi reassured him. The tendency of Bodhi’s eyes to wander, almost glaze over, and the way he’d snap back to reality, a little sheepish, at a touch from his partner. Their twinned guilty looks when they realized they’d been speaking in one of their languages, momentarily excluding Luke. It was nothing Luke wasn’t used to – having spent so much time with his sister and Han Solo, he was used to being the third wheel with less than perfect pairs.

There weren’t many topics the three of them had in common, but Cassian asked Luke question after question about the Force. He was a newly converted believer, and he ate up all the new information with a ravenousness of one who had been spiritually starved all his life. Bodhi listened to their conversation politely, but didn’t join in. He had nothing against faith, he just didn’t happen to have any himself. On the other hand, Bodhi completely opened up as soon as they started talking about starships. He’d flown so many different kinds, both Alliance and Empire, and he spoke enthusiastically about each one’s personal charm. He’d recently found a part-time job doing ship repair, which had dramatically improved his life in New Jedha City. For one thing, it gave structure to his days, and he had become friendly with the other mechanics, expanding his small social circle. Most of all, he loved the work itself, and would lose himself for hours, exploring the complex motors of different models. “Sometimes, my boss will have to remind me to break for lunch,” Bodhi said with a sheepish grin. (That grin, at least, had not changed.) “For once, I’m not always the one waiting for…” Bodhi glanced up sharply, eyes darting to the empty seat beside him. Empty seat? Cassian must have slipped off while Bodhi and Luke were talking. Bodhi’s eyes grew dull.

“Bodhi?” Luke asked, concerned.

Bodhi shook his head, frowning. “Where – I thought –” He began to mutter, too low for Luke to make out what he was saying. Tentatively, Luke touched Bodhi on the arm, as he had seen Cassian do, and Bodhi flinched. “He’s gone, isn’t he?” Bodhi whispered, his eyes restless and unfocused. “They killed him. It’s not safe to be here, Luke. It’s not safe to be seen with me. They’ll kill you, too.”

“What are you talking about?”

“The Empire. The Partisans. They’re all looking for me. You should leave.”

Luke squeezed Bodhi’s shoulder reassuringly. “We’re safe, Bodhi. The war is over. We’re safe.”

Bodhi wrinkled his brow. “But they killed him. He was right here, I swear. You saw him, didn’t you? Did I imagine it?”

“Bodhi, is everything alright?” Cassian slipped back into the seat besides Bodhi. Bodhi’s head snapped around, his eyes wide.

“Cassian! You’re alive!”

“Of – of course. Bodhi, I just went to pay the bill.”

“Don’t do that!”

“Don’t – pay?” Cassian squinted in concern and confusion.

“Don’t leave without saying anything. I thought you were gone. I thought I’d imagined you. I thought – I don’t know what I thought. Just don’t leave me like that again.” Bodhi stared at the ground, his eyes still full of fear.

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t want to interrupt you and Luke, you seemed so engaged in the conversation. But I won’t do it again, I promise.” Cassian whispered something in Jedhan, and kissed Bodhi on the forehead. Then he turned to Luke. “What happened? What were you two talking about when he started to dissociate?”

“His work at the repair shop,” Luke answered. “But I don’t think that had anything to do with it. I think he started slipping because he noticed you were gone.”

Cassian nodded, and put his arm around his partner. “Bodhi, what do you want to do this afternoon? Do you want to rest? I can take you home if you’d like.”

“I, uh, I thought I’d…” Bodhi paused, closed his eyes, and shook his head. When he opened his eyes again, he seemed much clearer. “I thought I’d show Luke around. If you’re interested, Luke.”

“Sure, but don’t put yourself out on my account.”

“No, it would be nice. I can even show you my workshop if you want.”

Cassian put a hand on Luke’s arm. “Stay with him today, ok? Just in case. I’ll come home early tonight.”

“Early being a relative term,” Bodhi said, in a tone both joking and not.

“I’ll be home by dark. I promise. I’ll set an alarm.”

Luke and Bodhi walked Cassian back to the Temple, Cassian with one arm around Bodhi, Luke holding Bodhi’s free hand. After Cassian left them, they wandered off to the Great Market. Luke never got tired of seeing the lively markets of different planets. He loved the chaotic harmony of so many sights, smells, and sounds.

“Just imagine, it used to be much bigger,” Bodhi told him. “I mean, the original market was bigger. Sometimes I forget this isn’t actually the same city I grew up in.” His eyes started to take on that dull look again.

“It was nothing like this where I grew up,” Luke replied, subtly trying to change the subject. “I had to fly all the way down to Tosche station just to buy machine parts, or anything to drink besides water or bantha milk.”

Bodhi gave him an odd look. “Wait, you’re telling me bantha milk is a real thing? I thought it was just a phrase, _sour as old bantha milk.”_

“Oh, it’s real alright. And I had to have a glass of it with breakfast every morning before I was allowed to leave the table. It was awful. But, you know, growing boys need their bantha milk.”

Bodhi laughed, a beautiful sound. “I suppose we all had that one thing our families forced on us. For me it was sanderin tea with dinner.” His mouth puckered at the memory. “My siblings and I would try to spill it out when our parents weren’t looking.”

“What’s it like?”

“Oh, you’ll have some with dinner tonight, and you can decide for yourself.” He shook his head. “Cassian loves the stuff, he doesn’t understand how we suffered.”

They spent a while at the market, Luke happy to show off his haggling abilities, despite his reliance on Basic language. Bodhi seemed marginally impressed. “We’re not completely backwater on Tatooine,” Luke smiled. “And anyways, I’ve traveled.”

“I’m sure you have,” Bodhi said, raising an eyebrow. “I’ve never seen anyone who doesn’t speak Jedhan pay the same prices as a local before. You weren’t using any Jedi Mind Tricks, were you?”

At one of the stalls, Bodhi introduced Luke to his friend Rameen, calling Luke “Ben” at Luke’s request. He didn’t particularly want to be recognized, and “Luke” was not exactly a common name, especially so far from Tatooine. The older man immediately invited Luke to dinner, but Bodhi insisted that they were going to have a quiet evening at home for “Ben’s” first evening. Luke accepted an invitation for the following evening, however, Rameen insisting that Bodhi and Cassian come as well. “We’ll bring dessert,” Bodhi told him, “Ben makes a mean bantha milk custard.”

Rameen cocked his head. “Are you telling me that bantha milk is a real thing?”

 

 

Luke (“Ben”) and Bodhi spent the afternoon at Bodhi’s workshop. It wasn’t a large shop, with only a few ships out back being worked on at any given time. Luke was amused to hear one of Bodhi’s workmates tell her seventh-hand account of the time “this one Imperial defector” stole the Millennium Falcon. According to her version, the defector had held “the famous Luke Skywalker” at blaster-point before forcing him to open the hatch and fly them off to who knows where, finally returning, days later, leaving the young Jedi both breathless and pantless as he flew off into the sunset on a stolen Imperial TIE fighter. Luke was impressed by how well Bodhi kept a straight face during the whole story, even adding on increasingly ridiculous details that “he’d heard at the cantina”. Luke particularly enjoyed the part about discovering an R2 astromech by the hatch, holding on for dear life (dear mechanical sentience?) when they landed. Bodhi made sure to specify that the droid was also pantless, as though droids wore pants in the first place.

The sun was starting to set as they headed back towards Bodhi’s neighborhood. Luke insisted on stopping by a small shop on the way home, and picked out the best bottle of pulkay he could find. He still wasn’t completely sure he believed that Cassian had been joking about buying a bottle of something – Cassian Andor couldn’t actually joke, could he? – and in any case, it was only right to buy something for his hosts. Besides, it had been a while since Luke had had some good pulkay himself, and this was as good an excuse as any.

“It’ll certainly make the sanderin tea go down more easily,” Bodhi commented.

 

 

Bodhi had always assumed that Cassian could drink anyone under the table. For one thing, he’d been a spy, and he imagined spies had to be able to hold their liquor while plying their mark with ever stronger drinks. For another thing, until quite recently, Cassian had not been one to talk about his feelings, and Bodhi imagined that Cassian had spent a lot of time staring down the bottom of a glass bottle. And yet, after about three shots, Cassian was already passed out on the sofa. Bodhi chalked this up to exhaustion – Cassian tended to work himself to the edge of his reserves on a daily basis. Bodhi kept waiting for him to ease up on himself, but they’d been on Jedha for months, and with very few exceptions, it hadn’t really happened yet.

Luke, on the other hand, was going strong. And Bodhi surprised himself by matching Luke shot for shot. Maybe it was the adrenaline from finally having a late night companion – Bodhi hadn’t made any close friends yet besides Rameen, and Cassian was no longer much of a night owl. In any case, he found Luke opening up to him unexpectedly, especially once Cassian had fallen asleep.

“It just… it all happened so fast. I spent nineteen years on a freaking moisture farm, basically the definition of isolation. I mean, Tatooine’s the middle of nowhere, nobody cares about it, so we don’t bother the Empire and the Empire doesn’t bother us. Frankly, I was trying to get into an Imperial Academy, anything to get off that boring little pile of sand and finally get into the skies. Then Biggs, my best friend since forever, tells me he’s joining the Rebellion, and suddenly –”

“Suddenly, it’s real to you.”

“No, not even that. Suddenly it’s even on my radar that Rebellion is, like, a thing. Remember, we are talking about an _isolated_ little farm. I didn’t know _anything_ about the galaxy, about politics, about anything at all except racing, farming, and basic droid repair. I knew that I hated bantha milk and that my uncle was always riding me to do more chores… I was a kid. I thought I was grown up, but I was a kid. With just the slightest idea that maybe there was more out there than farming or flying. And then, then I meet Old Man Kenobi, and my whole world just disappears from under me. My aunt and uncle, gone, without warning. I’ve barely even started to mourn them, and I’m already flying off into space with a couple of droids, a man I barely know, an untrustworthy scoundrel, and a terrifying wookiee. Trying to rescue the second person I’ve ever had a crush on. Then there’s the Death Star. Losing Kenobi. Losing fucking Biggs Darklighter, my best friend, and the first man I ever loved.” There were tears in Luke’s eyes. “I never told him, you know. He would have laughed at me, anyway. Would have said I was too young for him. He always looked out for me. And in the end, I couldn’t protect him, not when it mattered…”

“He chose to fight. He knew the risks.”

“He died covering me.”

“Then he died destroying the Death Star. It was what he wanted.”

“How can you know?”

“You knew him better than me. But do you really think, if he’d had a choice at that last minute, that he’d have thought _Forget saving the Galaxy, I’d rather live a few more years?_ That doesn’t sound like someone you would care for.”

“No, I guess I always liked brave ones. Like Biggs, like Leia, like…”

“Wait, Leia as in Leia Organa? Isn’t she your sister?”

“Yeah, I didn’t know it at the time. Word of advice – if you’re going to adopt, make sure you don’t split up siblings.”

Bodhi laughed. “Oof. That must have been… quite a revelation.”

“…yeah. Anyway, it just feels like my childhood ended the week the war officially began. It feels weird to have these personal experiences mixed up in officially recognized dates. One year, my unit was celebrating the anniversary of destroying the Death Star, and I realized I hadn’t lit candles for my aunt and uncle the week before. So I lit them then, and it was weird, having these mourning candles burning while everyone’s having a party. And a third one for Kenobi, even though I didn’t know him that well, because if _I_ didn’t light a candle, who would?”

“There’s a memorial not far from the Temple, for those who died from the Death Star’s attack on the Old City. A flame always kept burning. But people put candles by there anyway, because, because, I can’t explain it. I get the idea behind a communal flame, united in the Force and all that, but, but, doesn’t everyone deserve to be recognized individually? I brought candles there once, a couple weeks after we got here, but it just wasn’t enough. How can I light enough candles for everyone I knew? I could tell you stories about each of my siblings, cousins, classmates, about, about so many people… and I’m forgetting these stories, because there’s no one to reminisce with.”

“Do you tell these stories to Cassian?”

“Sometimes. But, I don’t know, when I put it into words, to someone who didn’t know them, it just feels so distant. Then I remember how many years ago this thing or that happened, and then the stories just… end. Everything ends. I’m on the other side of this great divide, I didn’t die with those I should have died with. I could have kissed my mother one last time. And now I don’t remember her voice.”

Luke hugged Bodhi. “I’m so sorry. But I’m glad you lived. For what you did for the Galaxy. And… because…”

“Do you want to go up on the roof?”

“The roof?”

“Yeah, when I was a kid, my siblings and cousins and I would go up on the roof some nights, just watching the stars, making up stories, you know, kid stuff. We’d try to see who could stay up the latest. It was always the teenagers who made it the longest. And once I was old enough, I saw why it was so important to stay up after the little ones.”

“Why’s that?”

“That’s when the good stuff comes out. Wine, liquor, that kind of thing. And of course that’s when we’d start talking about sex.”

Luke took another swig. “Well, we’ve already got the liquor. Let’s go.”

Up on the roof, the two pilots lay down and stared at the stars in silence. After a moment, Bodhi whispered, “It’s so hard, being here. So many things are the same, it just makes me miss everyone so much more. Even the constellations are the same. Here I am, staring at the same damn constellations I used to look at every night, and I remember my cousin Abha telling this story about how that one came to be, the specific Jedi who died and became those stars, and… I don’t remember how he died in the story, and I can’t, I can’t ask her. I can’t ask Chandra if they really put a spider in our teacher’s desk one day, or if I only dreamt it. I can’t ask Kiran if, if…”

Luke passed Bodhi the bottle, and Bodhi took a swig, then brushed away tears.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered.

“No need,” Luke replied. “If you want to talk…”

“I don’t.” Bodhi took another swig. They passed a few moments in silence. Then Bodhi pointed. “It’s called The Road to Ahch-To. He died trying to find Ahch-To, the planet with the first known Jedi Temple. In the dark of a nebula, this unnamed Jedi Padawan crashed into an asteroid. So when he died, he became stars to light the way. The constellation isn’t named after him, because his name isn’t important – he was only a Padawan. What’s important is the path he took, and that we remember that others died to light our way. That we might die to light the way for others, and that would be more important than whatever tiny lives we might live out on this side of Death.” Bodhi took another swig. “I am not very good at not talking,” he added, with half a smile.

“I never heard that story before,” Luke said softly. Bodhi passed him the bottle, and he took a swig. “The constellations are different here than where I grew up. I could take you to Tatooine sometime, but what’s the point? It’s just, you know, sand. You’ve seen sand.”

“I like sand.”

“I like…” Luke took a deep breath. “I like the way you talk. Maybe you’re not very good at not talking, but you’re very good at talking.”

“I… don’t follow. Pass me the bottle.”

“You’re drunk.”

Bodhi grinned. “Yup.”

“I’m cutting you off.”

“I’d like to see you try.” Luke made only the most perfunctory of attempts to keep the bottle from Bodhi. The liquor had clearly loosened Bodhi’s tongue, and Luke was hoping it would loosen Bodhi’s lips as well. He looked so damned beautiful in the moonlight. Luke was getting to be drunk enough to say so out loud.

“What was your first impression of me?” Luke asked.

Bodhi laughed, taking another drink. “When I first met you, you were so young, so innocent. I suppose you were already starting to lose that innocence, but compared to me, you were a bright-eyed youth, all faith and courage and conviction. You were just starting to realize the scope of injustice in the galaxy, and you believed unquestioningly that you could change it.”

“So you thought I was naïve?”

“A little. But also cute. You had that floppy hair, and that nervous little smile.”

“You liked my smile?”

“Sure. It was a nice smile. You still have a nice smile.”

Luke smiled his nicest smile as he leaned over and kissed Bodhi on the lips. Bodhi laughed. Luke had not been expecting that.

“Oh, Luke, you’re so sweet,” Bodhi grinned. “Here I was, thinking you’d grown bitter and jaded, and it turns out you’re still the same innocent teenager with a crush.” Suddenly, he frowned.

“Are you ok?” Luke asked, his wounded pride giving way to concern.

“I think the stars are spinning. Or the roof is. Something is spinning.”

 _My mind is spinning,_ Luke thought, but he didn’t say anything.

“I… may have had too much to drink.” Bodhi closed his eyes. “Am I sliding off the roof? I feel like I’m sliding off the roof.”

“No. Not yet anyway. Let’s get down, though.”

Bodhi took a deep breath. “How about now? Am I sliding off the roof now?”

“Let me lower you down. I’ll use the Force.”

“Can you do that? Without dropping me?”

“I think so.”

“I’d rather climb down.”

“You’ll fall!”

“Nah, I got it. I used to do this drunk all the time as a teenager.” Bodhi made it almost all the way down before he lost his grip and slid down with a thump. It wasn’t much of a drop, but when he tried to stand back up, he immediately collapsed. “I… am not a teenager anymore. I think I twisted my ankle.”

Luke closed his eyes and used the Force to lower himself down to the ground. Then he used the Force to lower the now nearly empty bottle. “Should have let me use the Force.”

“I’ll let you use the Force to get me back inside. Or you could let me lean on you.”

Luke opted for the latter. To help Bodhi, of course, and not to feel Bodhi’s arm around his shoulder, his breath hot on his cheeks. They managed to get back inside without incident, and sat down on the sofa, Bodhi sighing with relief.

“Cassian’s gonna give me such a lecture when he wakes up.” Luke thought he saw him smile in the dim light. “Worth it.”

“Let’s get you to bed.” Luke said, slipping his arm back around Bodhi. “Come on, up you go.”

“Shh, don’t wake Cassian,” Bodhi said. “I don’t want him to see us like this.”

Luke did not ask Bodhi who was going to sleep where, if they were not planning on waking Cassian up. Deep in his heart, he knew that Bodhi was not a free player, but the liquor had taken an edge off of his perpetual upstandingness. When they got to the bedroom, Luke helped Bodhi onto the bed, and helped him out of his shoes, jacket, and pants. “I’ve always wondered if you wear pajamas,” Luke commented, hoping it sounded as suave as he wanted it to.

Bodhi laughed. “Usually. But I’m feeling lazy, so a shirt and boxers will have to do. Do you need pajamas? I can lend you something if you’d like.”

Luke did not usually wear pajamas, but he was not going to turn down the offer to wear something of Bodhi’s. He grabbed something off the bed and put it on, smiling as it fit perfectly. Bodhi laughed again.

“The shirt’s mine, but the bottoms are Cassian’s. I doubt he’ll mind, though, don’t worry about it.” Bodhi grinned lazily. “I steal his clothes all the time. Fucking love that blue parka of his. He keeps telling me he’ll get me one of my own, but I think he likes to see me in his.” Bodhi closed his eyes. “It… smells like him…” His words were becoming softer. He was clearly drifting into sleep. Luke knew he should leave Bodhi alone. He had just fought for years against the Dark Side of the Force. Had exorcized whatever awkward feelings he had had for his surprise sibling. He was used to suppressing things he knew were wrong. But still, he waited until he was sure Bodhi was completely asleep and gave him a soft kiss on the forehead before leaving.

Which left the question – how was he going to fall asleep on the couch without accidentally kicking Cassian in his sleep? As it happened – unsuccessfully. Luke stretched out without thinking when he was almost asleep, and woke suddenly from the impact.

“Sorry!” he whispered.

“Did I fall asleep?” Cassian sounded groggy.

“Yeah, a while ago. Bodhi’s in bed.” Luke didn’t say anything else. Maybe Cassian would rather stay on the couch, and Luke would have to go…

“Is that… is that Bodhi’s shirt?” Luke supposed the pajama bottoms were covered by the blanket, so Cassian wouldn’t find out that Luke had his until he got back to the bedroom.

“Good night, Cassian,” Luke replied, and feigned instant sleep. Within a minute, he heard Cassian leave.

 

 

During the war, Cassian had often gotten up early in the morning and left without waking Bodhi. He had hated it, but Bodhi hadn’t had clearance to know where Cassian was going. More often than not, Bodhi didn’t even have clearance to know _if_ Cassian was going somewhere. It was one of the reasons they’d broken up. Cassian hadn’t resented Bodhi for it – he understood. Bodhi deserved a partner who was open with him. And as much as he wanted to, Cassian couldn’t be that partner. At least, not for as long as the war lasted.

After they’d come to Jedha, Cassian would often get up before Bodhi and leave for the Temple without waking him. He thought he was doing Bodhi a favor, letting him sleep in later. After all, Bodhi knew exactly where Cassian was, so it wasn’t anything like before. It was a week or so before he found out just how much Bodhi hated it, how isolated it made Bodhi feel. So Cassian always made a point of waking Bodhi before he left, even if Bodhi was just going to go back to sleep after kissing him goodbye.

This morning, however, Cassian regretted not making an exception. His kiss was met with a groan and some petulant muttering, and Cassian noted the stale smell of last night’s pulkay on Bodhi’s breath. Given the circumstances, Cassian decided to stick around for a while, until Bodhi got up for good. This didn’t mean he had to stay in their room, though. He headed to the kitchen and started making himself some caf. A glance at Luke sprawled out on the sofa told him that the young Jedi Master was as dead to the world as his partner, so Cassian just brewed enough for himself. He was sipping his caf and watching the sky grow lighter out the kitchen window when he heard Luke whisper hoarsely.

“He told you, didn’t he?”

Cassian had no idea what Luke was talking about, but he hadn’t been a spy for so long for nothing. “We tell each other everything,” he said more-or-less truthfully.

“We were drunk.” Luke looked miserable, and Cassian suspected it was more than just the hangover. He tamped down anger and suspicion, willing himself calm in order to gather information.

“It’s been my experience that people don’t do anything while drunk that they didn’t already want to do,” he said in as neutral a tone as he could muster.

“Well don’t blame Bodhi,” Luke insisted. “I’m the one who kissed him, and he just kind of patted me on the head.” He shook his head, frowning. “He still thinks of me as a kid.”

“I wonder why.”

“I’m not a kid! I’m twenty-five. And I’ve lived through a hell of a lot since we met each other. I’m a Jedi Master, for Force’s sake.”

“And yet you got Bodhi drunk in order to seduce him. Those aren’t the actions of a grown man.”

“I didn’t get him drunk to seduce him. I thought we’d have a good time together, the three of us. I didn’t realize you’d drop out after a couple of shots.” Luke sighed, looking ashamed. “I guess being alone with him was too much of a temptation, even for a Jedi Master. I know, it’s stupid, I’ve resisted the draw of the Dark Side, why can’t I resist Bodhi? I shouldn’t be jealous of you after all this time. How long have you been together anyway, five years? Six?”

“Altogether? Less than two years, by a lot. Recently? A few months.”

“A few months?”

“I think around three months. Three months or four, something like that – I’ve lost track of time since we moved here. He looked me up at the end of the war, and we ended up getting back together.”

“So if I’d run into him a few months sooner…”

“He would probably still see you as a kid.”

Luke sighed. “You think?” he asked.

Cassian gave him a look. “What do you think I’m going to tell you? That you and my boyfriend would make a lovely pair? What did you get up to last night anyway?”

“I thought you said he’d told you.”

“I said we _tell_ each other everything. He’s hung over as hell right now, the only thing he’s told me this morning is how much his head hurts and how he never wants to move again.”

“How’s his ankle?”

“His what? What happened to his ankle?” Fear flashed across Cassian’s face.

“He twisted it, coming down off the roof.”

“He fell off the roof?!” Cassian turned pale.

“No, no, he was climbing down the roof, and he slipped right at the end. If he hasn’t mentioned it to you…”

“Shit, I should have checked on him last night. I would have wrapped his ankle. It’ll be completely swollen by now.” Cassian set down his caf and sprinted off to the bedroom.

“Bodhi!”

Bodhi groaned. “So… loud…” he muttered.

“Bodhi, I need to see your ankle.” Cassian pulled off the sheets, and sure enough, Bodhi’s left ankle was swollen. “Shit. Shit. Bodhi, stay here, I’ll get you something for the pain.”

“I’m cold,” Bodhi whined. “Why’d you pull off the blanket?”

“Bodhi, you may have broken your fucking ankle, and you are worried about a slight draft?”

“Cassian, I love you, but you are so damned loud right now.”

Cassian shook his head and flicked on a light. Bodhi groaned at that, too, of course, but Cassian ignored him. He rummaged through his travel pack, mostly untouched since they’d moved into their current home, and found a med kit. Pain suppressors – check. Rolled bandage – check. Thermometer – Bodhi had mentioned being cold, maybe he was coming down with something – Cassian took a deep breath. Focus on the ankle, worry about everything else later. He gave Bodhi some tablets for the pain, and tested Bodhi’s ankle – he could wiggle his toes alright, and move his foot, though painfully, and while he complained when Cassian pressed on soft tissue, he barely whimpered when Cassian pressed on the tips of the ankle bones, so at least it wasn’t broken. Cassian wrapped the ankle as best he could. He really wished he had done it the night before, had thought to ask Bodhi if he was ok. He wondered if he’d hurt Bodhi during the night, moving around in his sleep. By the time Cassian had secured the bandage, Bodhi was asleep again. Cassian propped Bodhi’s foot up with a pillow, then he felt Bodhi’s forehead, just in case. He didn’t feel hot, so Cassian figured he’d probably just been whiny because of the hangover.

Watching Bodhi’s even breathing, the fear seeped out of Cassian, replaced by a nagging anger. He couldn’t be mad at Bodhi – Bodhi had done too much for him, had stood by him through far too much, and anyhow, he was fragile – so Cassian decided to channel his anger towards Luke. A good part of it was deserved, anyhow. Who did he think he was, treating Cassian and Bodhi like old friends, then working himself into Bodhi’s love life, working Cassian out of it. Although… maybe it was better that way. Despite the ankle and the hangover, Bodhi seemed pretty content, something he hadn’t been for a while. Luke had stuck by him at the market, Luke was attentive in ways Cassian was not. Maybe Bodhi would be better off with Luke. Cassian took a deep breath before going back out to the kitchen.

“Listen. Luke. I’m sorry about before. I – I got possessive. And that’s ugly. I’m sorry.”

“It’s ok.” Luke seemed a bit cowed. Cassian realized that Luke was probably as hungover as Bodhi was, and Cassian had been fairly harsh with him.

“I checked on Bodhi. I’m pretty sure it’s just a sprain, but I’ll get him to a medic when he wakes up on his own. Anyway, I was thinking. Maybe you really would be better for him than I am.”

“Wait, what?” Luke narrowed his eyes. “Is this some kind of a trick?”

“No, no trick. I’m done with espionage. Starting a new life. And Bodhi has helped me enormously. He deserves someone as good as him. I – I don’t think that’s me. But maybe it’s you.”

“This is a trap. It’s definitely a trap.”

“It’s not! It’s – look, you’re probably hungover now too, am I right?” Luke nodded. “So let’s put off talking about this until you and Bodhi are both capable of serious conversation. But I just want you to know – I want whatever’s best for Bodhi. Even if that means losing him.” He gave Luke a serious look. “You should know, though, that if you so much as think of hurting him, I will murder you. And you know that I mean this literally.”

“Right. I am definitely too hung over for this conversation right now.”

 

 

Cassian did not usually stay in all day. For a few weeks, he hadn’t even stayed home long enough to breakfast with Bodhi, although he’d started sticking around later after he realized how hard the solitude had been on Bodhi. Sticking around _without_ Bodhi, or at least, without an awake Bodhi, was very strange. It gave Cassian a lot of time with his thoughts. He tried meditating a little, like Franchesca had shown him. The first time he’d tried, it had scared him, the voices he heard saying things he didn’t want to hear, the feeling of being in a tunnel going down down down and fearing he would never rise again. But maybe this time would be easier.

It was not. Instead of those serpentine whispers, he heard the cries of people he’d killed, their faces flashing before him, the weight of them falling against his body, limp and lifeless. Every Stormtrooper he’d ever shot had a face like Bodhi’s. And there were too many to count.

Cassian broke out of his meditation, gasping. Breathing deeply – in through the nose, out through the mouth – he managed to slow his heart rate a little. He glanced at the bed. Bodhi was still asleep. Maybe he could go for a short walk, and still be back before Bodhi woke.

In the living room, he saw that Luke was awake, and making caf. Luke started when he saw Cassian enter.

“I’m sorry! I should have asked before using your things. Are you – are you alright?”

“I was meditating.”

“Oh.” Luke looked like he wanted to say more, but he didn’t.

“It – didn’t go easy. I’m still not really sure how to meditate without going down that tunnel, you know? And the voices kind of scare me, to tell you the truth.” Cassian knew he probably shouldn’t be saying so much, not to Luke anyhow. But he was still so shaken, and Luke just happened to be there.

“Voices?”

“You… don’t hear voices when you meditate?”

“ _Voices_ voices? I hear memories sometimes, or other thoughts, and I just let them pass through me. Sometimes I feel like my old mentors are talking to me. Or my father. Is it like that?”

“Maybe. This time it was mostly memories. The first time, it was whispers, they were saying things about me, and they were looking at me, you know?” Cassian noticed Luke’s curious face. “You don’t know, do you? This is, this is not normal, is it?”

“I don’t know what’s normal, I guess it’s different for everyone. Do you usually meditate on your own?”

“No. I’ve tried a couple of times with this monk I’m seeing. This was my first time on my own.”

“This monk you’re seeing?”

“Yeah. She’s taught me a lot – meditating, the Force, that sort of thing. She helps me a lot. I feel like she understands me in ways no one ever has. I wonder about that sometimes – I don’t know much about her own past.”

“Sounds pretty one-sided.”

“Therapy often is.”

“Oh. Oh! When you said you were seeing this monk…”

Cassian scoffed. “You thought I was cheating on Bodhi. Like he’s not already too good for me. Speaking of which…”

“No. Not speaking of which.” But Cassian was on a roll.

“Listen, I was thinking though. I’m holding him back, stunting his recovery. I’ve hurt so many people, Luke, I’ve hurt Bodhi so much. I can’t do it anymore. You love him, I know you do. And he’s clearly happy with you.”

“Don’t you think he should be in this conversation?”

“He’d just stick with me out of loyalty. He’s good that way. But he’s so much better off without me. I just don’t want to leave him _alone_. He’s in a bad place, and he needs someone around him.”

“And you don’t want to put the work in?”

“No! That’s not it! I _want_ to be with him! But I keep failing him, over and over. And, you know, I’m not exactly irreplaceable. The Temple will be rebuilt with or without me.”

“What’s that have to do with anything?”

“I mean… I won’t always be around.”

“Where would you go?”

“I wouldn’t go anywhere, Luke,” Cassian said softly. “I – I’d say goodbye first, but…”

“No. No. We are not having this conversation. Definitely not without Bodhi.” Luke poured two cups of caf. “Here, have a cup, and let’s talk about anything else.”

“Let me check if Bodhi’s awake yet,” Cassian said, taking the mug with him. Before he got to his room, he heard a sharp cry of pain, and he ran the rest of the way.

“Bodhi!” Cassian opened the door to find Bodhi sitting on the bed, his eyes screwed up in pain.

“Heart of Kyber, my fucking ankle is fucking broken!” Bodhi groaned. “And my head is fucking killing me. Cassian, I think I’m dying. If I’m not dying, please kill me. I don’t suppose you have any more of those pills, do you?”

“Pills?”

“Those put-me-out-of-my-misery pills? Lullabies, I think?”

“Force, Bodhi, don’t joke about that. Let me see your ankle, though. You didn’t try to put any weight on it, did you?”

“As a matter of fact, I did. I was just trying to get myself to the refresher, and I ended up almost killing myself.” Cassian flinched at Bodhi’s choice of words. “Speaking of which, I still have to go. I don’t suppose you could help me to the fresher, could you?”

“Of course. Lean on me. I’ll have to get you some crutches today.”

Bodhi leaned into Cassian, his eyes mostly closed. “What the hell did I do last night, Cassian? How much did I have to drink?”

“I don’t know, apparently I fell asleep pretty early on. It seems that you and Luke had a good time, though.”

“Definitely not worth it,” Bodhi groaned. “How did I break my ankle?”

“Luke says you fell coming down off the roof. What you were doing up there, I have no idea. Anyway, it’s not broken, fortunately. But we definitely need to see a medic about it. I didn’t realize you were hurt until this morning, so it’s really swollen. I’m sorry.”

“Man, Cassian, you’ve really let me down, not realizing that I got injured while you were asleep.” Bodhi gave him a peck on the cheek. “Has anyone ever told you that you’re a bit hard on yourself?”

“No,” Cassian said. “It’s never really come up. You think I’m hard on myself?”

“You’re joking right?” Bodhi’s mouth turned up at one end, then it turned down again when he saw that Cassian was serious. “You’re not joking. Why has this never come up?”

“In the Rebel army, they don’t really worry about people being too hard on themselves. I got the job done, that was what mattered.” Cassian opened the door to the fresher. “Do you want privacy?”

“I do, but I don’t think I can make it to the toilet on my own. Well, I guess we can think of this as one of those tests life gives us. Will you still love me even when I get stupid drunk and wake up broken and useless?”

“And whiny,” Cassian added. “I mean, theoretically.”

“Yeah. What do you think? Will you?”

“Love you?” Cassian asked. “Always. You’re not useless, though. Just a little… extra dependent. That’s what I get for neglecting you for too long.”

“Sure, let’s make it your fault. You shouldn’t have fallen asleep too early to keep me from drinking like a teenager, either. Really, Cassian, a little consideration.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m _joking._ Again, we’re going to have to work on this being-too-hard-on-yourself thing. Fortunately, I’ve got a lot of experience in that department, so I think I can help you out. In the meantime, close your eyes, will you?”

 

 

Luke had tried to go to the medic with Bodhi and Cassian, feeling it was at least partially his fault that Bodhi had gotten injured, but the couple insisted that he enjoy his time on Jedha. He ended up spending most of the afternoon at the Temple, realizing it may be his only chance to spend time there without the possibility of running into Cassian. Not that he was avoiding Cassian, but Luke knew he’d be a distraction.

Luke found a spot in an empty alcove and sat down, closing his eyes. He felt the Force flow around him, through him, and through each and every living creature in the space. He passed what could have been minutes or hours this way, and opened his eyes to the long shadows of late afternoon. He remembered that he had a dinner invitation with Bodhi’s friend, and was glad he’d had the time to meditate, preparing himself for a potentially awkward evening. He decided against liquor, and bought a bottle of sweet juice to bring to Bodhi’s friend’s house. Maybe it would counteract the sanderin tea, which, despite Bodhi’s warnings, was far more bitter than Luke had expected. He suspected that Cassian drank it out of self-punishment more than pleasure. Or that he secretly poured it out when the others weren’t looking – once a spy, always a spy.

The dinner went much better than Luke had feared. The older couple fussed over Bodhi’s ankle, which he claimed he’d sprained by tripping over something at work. Cassian seemed to have calmed down from his freak out that morning. Perhaps he’d just needed to spend a day with Bodhi, taking care of him and remembering why Bodhi loved him in the first place. Luke ended up telling the older couple who he actually was, and was pleasantly surprised to find that Rameen and his wife continued to treat him as a normal person, and not some galactic hero. He was downright amused at the way Noora kept trying to sneak more food onto his plate, insisting that he was far too skinny, and that the spirit wasn’t the only thing one had to nourish. After the third time he caught her, Luke decided to share the burden, and started sneaking food onto Bodhi’s and Cassian’s plates. Finally, Rameen picked up a fig from Cassian’s plate, and declared jokingly that it must be extra blessed in the Force, having been touched by everyone at the table. Then he popped it into his wife’s mouth, who smiled, clearly unoffended by the teasing.

Luke thought it would be nice to have what Rameen and Noora had, or even possibly what Cassian and Bodhi had, rocky though their relationship was. But at the same time, he knew that there was more to life than romantic love. He had felt true love for friends and for family, genetic or otherwise. And he had learned to feel that love for himself, as well. He had needed to, to stay strong in the face of evil, to resist that which had seduced his father.

That night, walking back to Bodhi’s and Cassian’s place, Luke glanced up at the stars, and his eyes were caught by the constellation Bodhi had pointed out, The Road to Ahch-To. He’d come to Jedha looking for a connection to the Force, and to Jedi history, but maybe it was not the right place for him. Bohdi had said that Ahch-To was the home of the first known Jedi temple. He wondered if it was a place of pilgrimage, like Jedha. It was funny, being a Jedi Master, with two mentors, yet also largely self-taught, and with so much yet to learn. He said a silent prayer for his two friends, walking slightly ahead of him, Cassian’s hand resting lightly on Bodhi’s shoulder. Luke thanked the stars above him for lighting all their paths. He traced a line in the sky, and wondered where his own path would lead him, and what he would find there.


	2. Epilogue

Bodhi and Cassian had been drinking herbal tea long into the evening, as the light from the windows got dimmer and dimmer. Cassian considered suggesting either lighting a lantern or going to bed. But he was loath to move from the sofa, where Bodhi was leaning on him, head on Cassian’s chest, Cassian’s left arm around Bodhi’s torso, Bodhi’s breathing slowly becoming more and more rhythmic, Cassian beginning to feel a bit drowsy himself…

“Let’s go up on the roof.”

“The roof?” Cassian tried to keep the panic out of his voice. The roof was where Bodhi had been when Luke had kissed him – they both swore that nothing else had happened – and where Bodhi had fallen, spraining his ankle. Bodhi had been off crutches for a few days, but Cassian still watched him like a hawk for the slightest sign of favoring his left leg. The incident had also left Cassian wanting to avoid alcohol, Luke Skywalker, and roofs.

“It’s ok, Cassian, my ankle’s fine now. I’ve been fine for days.” Bodhi hadn’t moved from leaning against Cassian, but he intertwined his hand in Cassian’s, stroking Cassian’s fingers reassuringly.

“I just don’t want you to fall again.”

“I was drunk, Cass. I’m sober now.”

“You’re sleepy though. We can go in the morning.”

“I want to show you the stars.”

“We can look from the patio.”

“It’s not the same.” Bodhi finally pushed himself up and turned to face Cassian. “Besides, I really want to take you up there. I don’t feel right having shared something with Luke that I haven’t shared with you. All three of us know that nothing happened up there, that Luke was drunk and acting on an outdated crush, but still. It’s not about the kiss. I shared something intimate with him, the constellations of my childhood. And I want to share them with you.”

“Are you sure you’re up to this?”

“Cass,” Bodhi sighed. “I wouldn’t have brought it up if my ankle was still bothering me.”

“I mean… up to talking. About the past. I don’t want to push you too hard.”

“Again, I’m the one who brought it up. It is painful to think about everyone I’ve lost, but if I never do it, then their memories die before I do. I guess… I guess I’m asking you to help me carry their memories, even if you only get them second-hand.”

“Of course. But wear my parka. It’s chilly outside.”

Bodhi grinned. “Yes, grannie. And what are you going to wear then?”

“Your brown jacket. And we’ll take blankets.”

Bodhi gave Cassian a peck on the cheek. “Perfect. You get the blankets, and I’ll grab a bottle of pulkay.” He chuckled as Cassian froze. “I’m joking. Trust me, I’m not touching pulkay for the next year if I can help it.”

 

*          *          *

 

Cassian asked Bodhi to climb up first, to show him how he did it. They both knew that Cassian could scale any building blindfolded, but he probably wanted to be on the ground in case Bodhi slipped. Bodhi didn’t argue, knowing that Cassian’s over-protectiveness was just his way of showing love. Once they were both safely up, they spread a blanket to lay down on, and covered themselves with another one.

Lying on the roof next to Cassian felt different than lying next to Luke. With Luke, Bodhi had been trying to recreate the feeling of climbing the roof with his siblings and cousins when he was young – Bodhi’s tipsiness had allowed him to slip freely between the past and the present, and Luke’s relative youthfulness had made Bodhi feel younger himself. With Cassian, on the other hand, Bodhi never felt anything other than adult. It came with a lot of pain, a lot of sorrow, but also a deep joy and contentment, and freedom from the nervous jumpiness of his youth. As an adult, Bodhi knew exactly who he was.

They were silent for a while, and Bodhi started to wonder if Cassian was falling asleep. Part of him didn’t want to disturb Cassian – he worked himself so hard, and he looked so sweet when he was sleeping. But they had climbed up there for a reason, and Bodhi needed to share these stories with someone. No. Not with someone. With Cassian.

“That’s the constellation I showed Luke,” he whispered, pointing to a line of stars in the sky. He heard Cassian shift beside him as though to get a better angle. “It’s called The Road to Ahch-To.” He paused. Maybe he should have started with a different constellation, rather than bringing up Luke right away.

“Ahch-To. That’s where the first Jedi Temple was built, isn’t it?”

“That’s the story. Have you been there?” Bodhi asked.

“No, but I’ve heard of it. So I suppose Ahch-To itself must be somewhere over that way…” Cassian’s finger drifted, then stopped, pointing at a faint star. “Right there, third planet in the Bil-To System. Am I right?”

“That seems about right. You’ve been studying your constellations?”

“Not exactly. But yes.”

“What do you mean?”

“Nothing. Tell me more.” Bodhi decided not to press. Cassian would open up when he wanted to. So he started telling Cassian about the different constellations – The Road to Ahch-To, The Guardian’s Staff, The Seven Siblings, The Shattered Mirror – and the myths associated with them, not just from his culture, but from other cultures as well. The Seven Siblings, for example, was called The Master and Her Six Disciples by people of Baze’s culture, and Seven Students Without a Master by the Tognath. He talked about sharing these stories with friends from the neighborhood, exchanging myths and making up their own tall tales. Every once in a while, he’d turn and check if Cassian was still awake. Cassian didn’t say anything besides the odd “yes” or “tell me,” but he looked anything but asleep, gazing intently wherever Bodhi pointed.

Finally, Bodhi could talk no more about the stars. He had many more stories to share, but it was becoming too painful to think of all the people he’d shared these stars with, people who were no longer with them. He clutched Cassian’s hand and thought of his first kiss, a Jedhan girl of Coyertian heritage. She’d taught him the word for star in Coyersi, _yıldız_ , and she’d said she would name her first child that, some day. Had she managed to have that child before the Death Star had come and… And what if she’d been off-world at the time, or at least out of the city? Could Aysu still be alive? Was there any way to find her? Who would she be now, all grown up?

Bodhi was brought back to the present by Cassian bringing Bodhi’s hand to his mouth and gently kissing it. “Thank you for sharing all this,” he said softly. “Who are you thinking of now?”

“Her name was Aysu… It means _water of the moon_ … She was…” Bodhi took a deep breath, trying to hold back tears.

“It’s alright, you can cry,” Cassian whispered, and Bodhi did. After his tears were spent, he squeezed Cassian’s hand.

“Thank you,” Bodhi whispered.

“You loved her?”

“She was my first kiss. We were kids.”

“Aysu… That doesn’t sound Jedhan.”

“Jedhan is a common language. I mean, a language we have in common. Few people speak it as their native language, it’s more for the marketplace, for school, for talking with people of different cultures.”

“So it’s not your first language?”

“No.”

“Hm,” Cassian exhaled. “So Galactic Standard is your third language, but you speak it like a native speaker. I don’t even speak festán like a native speaker anymore.”

“There are upsides of growing up in an occupied territory. Well, maybe only one upside. And it’s not worth it.”

“I don’t suppose it is.” Cassian seemed to be trying to keep his voice light, but the bitterness leaked through.

“Tell me about _your_ constellations.”

“What do you mean?”

“The ones you saw on Fest.”

“I don’t remember them. I grew up in a city, there was too much light pollution to really see the stars very well. My parents never told me the stories, at least, not that I can remember.”

Bodhi considered this. “So what constellations do you know?”

Cassian paused, as though trying to figure out how to explain it. “It’s like this… Think of a shape.”

“What kind of shape?”

“Exactly. If I say ‘think of a shape,’ it’s just an abstract concept. It doesn’t really mean anything until I give you more details: Is it two-dimensional or three? Is it a triangle or a circle? That’s what a constellation is like for me.” He paused again. “I’ve traveled a lot, around the galaxy, and it’s important for me to know geography, so I have a pretty good idea of where many stars are in relation to each other. But a constellation isn’t a group of stars – it’s a group of stars as seen from a particular viewpoint. So if you ask me to imagine the sky, I don’t have any image in particular, unless you give me more detail – imagine the sky facing north from Yavin IV, for example, or the winter solstice from the plains of Takodana. That’s how I knew where Ahch-To was – I just calculated it based on our relative position in the galaxy. I could tell you the name of each star in that constellation, too, but to me, they’re not in a line – I see the three-dimensional arrangement of them in my mind. I’ve never thought of them as a group before, because they’re not actually anywhere close to each other.” Cassian swallowed. “I’m sorry. I think I just ruined your myth.”

“No, you didn’t ruin anything. So you think of the stars geographically, not mythically? It’s not a foreign concept to me, I traveled a lot as a cargo pilot too. It’s just, whenever I went to a different solar system, I always connected it to whatever constellation it belonged to. Whatever constellation it belonged to for me, I mean.”

“You had a reference point that you never lost.”

“Exactly.” Bodhi glanced at Cassian, who was staring intently at the stars. “We should go to Fest.”

“I have no connection to Fest.”

“Don’t you have family?”

“My mother died in an industrial accident when I was two. My father was killed at a protest when I was six. Murdered by the so-called Peace Keepers _._ I left Fest as soon as I could.”

“How old were you?”

“On Fest, you had to be eighteen for the Rebel Alliance to let you join the army as an official soldier. But on Kestos Minor, you only needed to be sixteen.”

“So you were sixteen.”

“I was twelve, but I was tall for my age. And no one on Kestos Minor knew me, so they were none the wiser.”

Bodhi drew in a sharp breath. His childhood and Cassian’s had been so different – if Cassian could even be said to have had a childhood – yet both so full of pain and loss. He wondered if he would have joined the Rebel Alliance too if he had known about it. But he’d had so much more to lose as a child, he hadn’t lost everything until much later. He thought of how their different paths had led them to meet each other in Gerrera’s caves, right here on Jedha.

“You have a reference point now,” Bodhi said softly. “This is your reference point. My constellations are your constellations. My myths are your myths. My home is your home.”

 

*          *          *

 

Cassian stared at the stars, and listened to Bodhi’s familiar voice beside him. As he stared, the stars rearranged themselves in his mind, losing their mathematical position and becoming part of a picture, of a story.

He closed his eyes, and thought of the word “sky,” and for the first time in his life, he had an exact image in mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From the OTP-isms tumblr prompt:  
> OTP Idea #167  
> Imagine Person A trying to show all the different constellation to Person B on a bright, starry night.


End file.
